How to Throw an Orgy Pt. 3: Finding Your People

Welcome back, you impatient perverts! In my last two posts, I covered why you might want to host a sex party and how to find a venue. Now let's talk about the most important part - finding your guests. And for that, we need to talk about FEELD.

Image by Made Thought

FEELD: The Modern Orgy Revolution Remember in my last post when I mentioned all the sketchy ways people used to have to find each other? Well, welcome to 2024. FEELD is a dating app specifically designed for ethically non-monogamous people. It's not perfect (the bugs! the crashes! the endless notifications that someone liked you but you can't see who without paying!), but it's revolutionized how we find our people.

What makes FEELD different? First, it's built for non-monogamy from the ground up. You can link partners' profiles, specify that you're looking for group experiences, and be upfront about your interests without fear of judgment. Most importantly, everyone there is at least theoretically open to alternative relationship styles. No more awkward "so... my partner and I were thinking..." conversations with matches from vanilla dating apps.

Setting Up Your Profile A few key tips for setting up your FEELD profile:

• Use recent, clear photos that show your face (unless you have a compelling reason not to)

• Write a real bio that gives people something to connect with

• Link your partner's profile if you have one

• Be clear about what you're looking for (hint: "hosting parties" is a great thing to mention!)

• Add relevant tags like "group", "ENM", "kink-friendly" etc.

• Include some normal human interests too! You're not just a sex robot

What I Look For When I'm searching for potential party guests, here's what catches my eye:

• People in stable long-term relationships (drama is no fun!)

• Some experience with ENM (whether that's kink, swinging, poly, or something adjacent)

• Comfort in their own skin

• Willingness to do STI testing

• Team players who will help out and contribute

• Real excitement about participating (no wallflowers please!)

• Good communication skills

• Something interesting to say about themselves

• Understanding that building trust takes time

Red Flags:

• Only looking for "right now" hookups

• Can't verify identity

• Won't meet in public first

• Only interested in their specific kink/fantasy

• Poor communication skills

• Won't engage with both/all partners

Dating Strategy Once you match with someone promising, here's my recommended process:

1. Chat on the app to establish basic compatibility

2. Meet for coffee/drinks in public (both/all partners!)

3. If that goes well, perhaps a dinner date

4. Maybe some light play if everyone's feeling it

5. THEN consider inviting them to a party

"But Cleo," you're saying, "that's so much work!" Yes, yes it is. But remember what we're building here. This isn't Tinder. We're creating a community of people who trust each other enough to be extremely vulnerable together. That takes time.

A Note About Singles Single people can absolutely be great additions to your party! We love a confident solo player who knows how to read a room and play well with others. Just be thoughtful about it - you want someone who will mesh well with your group dynamic and be secure in a couples-heavy space. For your first party, I'd suggest limiting it to one or two singles you really click with.

In our next post, we'll talk about how to curate your final guest list and handle pre-party communication. But for now, get out there and start connecting! Remember - take your time, trust your gut, and don't compromise on your standards. The right guests are worth waiting for.

Stay tuned, and stay slutty!

[Note: Want to hear more about our adventures in finding party people? Check out Episode 1 where we talk about our first party experience, or Episode 3 where we discuss how we built our current play circle!]